Lex Enrico Santí, LCSW, MFA
When you have nothing you believe in Anything
The process of getting free in your life takes many turns, not all of them a path of light and safety. We begin this process of working towards resolving issues in our life, at times, haphazardly and seeking out connection and love from others. At other times it is wrought with job decisions. At other times it is the drastic escape from family. And so on. Your journey, no matter how ardous or dramatic is made up of many decisions in your life where you seemingly venture between different paths, always wondering what is the right way to go. What is it you are supposed to do.
Along this path you find yourself shacking up with strangers. Finding comfort in new friendships. Trying new things out which may or may not have a lasting impact. For some that is yoga. Others that may be throwing axes. Still others the piano. Whatever it is we begin a path of identifying ourselves based on what we do and what we do not do. Therefore, other people around us become people who "get it" and those who "don't get it." We look for acceptance from both sides. Feel insecurity from both sides. And rarely capture the moments where we, in fact, truly "got it."
The journey begins somehow, and as a therapist I am here listening to the stories of where we all are on the journey. I, having had some paths in my life, relate to the struggle. And I know, and have felt that--when I have had nothing in my life, I could believe in anything.
The sense or depravity and fear we have faced in our life is a tell tale sign that our desperation for life to take a positive turn is one that we would like to vanquish no matter the cost. Having been in places in my life that I would not rather visit, I can relate to this sentiment. I have not made perfect choices in my life. I have tried often to grasp at the idea of something rather than the facts on the ground. When we have nothing—we can believe in anything.
That simple adage has wrapped its way around my mind for many years. It is an adage about hope and foolishness. It is about the wonder of the journey and how, at times we feel that we are totally bereft and lost and then, we stumble upon something shiny and new. Then, we have it again. The path. It is an adage that many if not all of us can relate to.
No matter where you are in the path. No matter whether you like lifting weights, or striking up your bbq, or painting pastorals--the act of trying to understand yourself is the most beautiful process you can wrestle with. It is an honor to work with so many souls in this process. Don't get desperate, just keep moving towards the light inside of you and remember, have fun.