Top 5 Traits of a Great Therapist

Lex Enrico Santi, LCSW MFA

Walking in my woods in Trumansburg, NY. Photo credit: Jesse Winter

I did not always want to be a therapist. In fact, I was terrified of the profession. A bad experience as a teenager left me deeply skeptical, and for a long time, I kept my distance from the field. That is a story for another time. But in stepping into this work, I have come to understand what makes a great therapist—and just as importantly, what does not.

A great therapist is more than a listener, more than an empathetic ear. They are a guide, a witness, a mirror, and at times, a necessary challenge. Therapy is an art as much as it is a science, requiring a therapist to master both the intellectual and the emotional—both the precision of the mind and the depth of the heart. Below are five essential qualities that define a truly great therapist.

1. The Power of Language and Communication

A great therapist possesses a command of language and communication that allows them to relate deeply to others. This is more than just repeating stock phrases like, "How does that make you feel?" or parroting back what a client has said. True therapeutic skill lies in reading between the lines, in hearing what is unspoken, in synthesizing what is being shared into something that can be reflected back with depth and insight.

Carl Rogers, the founder of client-centered therapy, emphasized the importance of accurate empathic understanding, stating, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.” A great therapist not only listens but translates, contextualizes, and expands upon a client’s words in a way that brings deeper meaning and clarity.

2. The Past and the Future: Knowing When to Dig and When to Move Forward

A great therapist understands that therapy is not just about dredging up the past—it is about knowing what to do with it. The past holds answers, but a therapist's job is to ensure that exploring it serves a purpose. Some wounds need excavation and healing, while others need to be acknowledged and left behind. Therapy is about integration, not just excavation.

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, believed in “making the unconscious conscious.” However, therapy must also focus on the present and the future. A therapist who dwells only on the past risks keeping a client stuck there. The goal is to help them take what they need from their history and move forward with renewed strength.

Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, “The only journey is the one within.” A great therapist walks alongside their client on this journey, helping them recognize that while the past shapes us, the future is still ours to create.

3. Letting Go: Not Being the Obstacle

One of the most crucial qualities of a great therapist is knowing when to let go. Therapy is not about the therapist; it is about the client’s journey. A great therapist recognizes when their work is done, or when a client needs something (or someone) different. They do not hold on out of ego, attachment, or a need to feel useful. They understand that their role is to be a guide, a facilitator—not the destination itself.

This is not just about termination of therapy but about the ability to be used fully in the process and then step awaywhen necessary. A therapist should never be the obstacle to a client’s growth, nor should they place their own needs for validation above the needs of the person sitting across from them.

Jiddu Krishnamurti reminds us, “To be free of attachment is not to reject life, but to see it as it is.” The best therapists know when to release their role in a client’s life, allowing the work to take root and grow without them.

4. Self-Knowledge and Emotional Maturity

Perhaps most importantly, a great therapist knows themselves. Therapy is not about pretending to be above the work—it is about being deeply engaged in it, including within oneself. A therapist who has not done their own inner work, who is unable to sit with their own pain, will ultimately struggle to sit with the pain of others.

Carl Jung famously wrote, “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” A therapist must be awake to their own emotions, biases, and blind spots. They must have an awareness of personal triggers, understand emotional boundaries, and maintain the humility to acknowledge when something within them is getting in the way.

This also means recognizing burnout, knowing when to step back, and taking responsibility for their own emotional well-being. The best therapists are not those who never struggle but those who acknowledge their struggles and work through them with honesty and integrity.

5. Being Human While Helping Others

The best therapists are not perfect. They are not free of challenges, emotions, or biases. But they are self-aware, reflective, and committed to showing up authentically. They work on themselves, not because they believe they must be fully healed to help others, but because they understand that healing is an ongoing process for everyone—including them.

The poet Mary Oliver wrote, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” A great therapist does not just help others find their way—they live their own truth, embodying the balance between personal growth and service to others.

To be a great therapist is not to be an all-knowing expert, but to be deeply present, engaged, and willing to be part of a client’s journey while never mistaking oneself for the destination.