Stories Shape How We Heal
By: Lex Enrico Santi, LCSW, MFA -- A Key Therapy PLLC
We all tell stories about our lives—whether it's the embarrassing thing we did in high school, the details of a recent breakup, or the job we didn’t get. These stories shape how we see ourselves and, sometimes, how we get stuck in negative loops. That's where Narrative Therapy comes in—a form of therapy that doesn't just ask what happened but focuses on how we tell our stories.
Narrative Therapy lets people rewrite their stories in a way that helps them move past emotional pain and trauma. Whether it’s through writing letters, crafting essays, or even composing poetry, this therapeutic approach helps unlock the emotional healing that gets stuck when we relive difficult moments over and over.
When Trauma Leaves Us Stuck
When we experience trauma—whether it's a major breakup, the loss of a loved one, or lingering emotional wounds—the brain has a way of keeping us trapped. Neuroscientists have found that specific brain regions, like the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex, play key roles in how we process these events.
The amygdala is the brain’s alarm system, responding to emotional stress or danger.
The hippocampus helps store memories, especially emotional ones.
The prefrontal cortex is responsible for thinking, planning, and emotional regulation.
In trauma, the amygdala and hippocampus can get stuck on repeat, reinforcing negative emotions and preventing us from moving on (Siegel, 2012). You might know this feeling—when the pain of the past keeps replaying in your mind, and you can’t shake it, no matter how much you talk about it. According to van der Kolk (2014), trauma creates a loop of re-experiencing, where the brain continues to react as if the trauma is still happening. That’s where Narrative Therapy steps in to create real, lasting change.
Rewriting Your Story to Reclaim Your Power
Narrative Therapy is based on the simple but powerful idea that you are not your problems. Instead of seeing yourself as the victim of your experiences, Narrative Therapy encourages you to view them from a different perspective. You become the author of your life’s story, and by changing how you tell that story, you change how you feel about it.
Writing is one of the most effective tools used in this therapy. Research has shown that expressive writing can help organize thoughts and feelings, making it easier for people to process their emotions. Pennebaker’s foundational research (1997) found that writing down emotional experiences helps people manage negative feelings by turning them into structured narratives. Baikie & Wilhelm (2005) expand on this, showing that expressive writing has been linked to long-term health benefits, including reduced blood pressure, better immune functioning, and fewer symptoms of depression.
Writing a letter to someone, even if it’s never sent, can release years of pent-up frustration and pain (Smyth, 1998). Through this process, the brain responds by calming down the hyperactive amygdala, reducing the emotional reactivity linked to trauma (Porges, 2009). At the same time, the prefrontal cortex becomes more engaged, which aids in problem-solving and emotional regulation (Siegel, 2012).
Letters and Poetry: Unlocking Emotional Release
Think about how powerful it can be to write a letter to someone—whether it’s to a loved one, an ex, or even a version of yourself from the past. Even if that letter is never sent, the act of writing provides clarity.
Research by Smyth (1998) supports the idea that writing can lead to emotional breakthroughs. When people write, they often gain new perspectives on their lives. They can see events from a different angle, which helps release them from negative emotional patterns. Letter-writing allows clients to address unresolved pain in their lives, and even the unsent letters can serve as a form of closure. Lepore & Smyth (2002) argue that expressive writing acts as a form of cognitive restructuring, helping individuals reframe negative memories and transform their emotional responses to them.
Some therapists even incorporate creative writing like poetry. Poetry, with its emphasis on emotion and metaphor, offers another layer of depth to the therapeutic process. By exploring the subconscious feelings hidden beneath the surface, poetry enables clients to express what’s hard to say in plain words.
From Victim to Survivor: Narrative Therapy in Action
The beauty of Narrative Therapy is its versatility. It’s been successfully applied in helping people deal with:
Breakups and relationship issues
Grief and loss
Childhood trauma
Anxiety and depression
For example, clients who struggle with grief often tell themselves stories about how they’ll never recover or how life will never be the same. Narrative Therapy helps reframe these narratives into stories of resilience—about how they’ve survived, coped, and even grown stronger. It turns the focus away from being a victim of circumstances and empowers individuals to see themselves as capable of overcoming hardships.
In relationships, Narrative Therapy can shift the story from one of conflict and betrayal to one of understanding and healing. Couples, for example, can use storytelling to see their challenges from both perspectives, fostering empathy and strengthening the connection.
Healing Is in the Story You Tell
The heart of Narrative Therapy is the idea that we are all storytellers, and our lives are the narratives we create. Trauma, loss, and emotional pain can shape these stories in ways that feel impossible to escape. But through the process of writing, reflecting, and re-authoring, we can change the script.
By shifting the focus from pain to resilience, Narrative Therapy gives individuals the tools to not just survive, but to thrive. The brain’s capacity to reorganize itself in response to these new narratives proves that healing isn’t just about time—it’s about transforming the way we think about our past.
So the next time you feel stuck, consider how writing out your feelings—whether in a letter, poem, or essay—can help you take back control of your narrative. You may just find that the key to emotional healing lies in the stories you tell.
References
Baikie, K. A., & Wilhelm, K. (2005). Emotional and physical health benefits of expressive writing. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 11(5), 338-346.
Lepore, S. J., & Smyth, J. M. (2002). The Writing Cure: How Expressive Writing Promotes Health and Emotional Well-Being. American Psychological Association.
Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8(3), 162-166.
Porges, S. W. (2009). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.
Smyth, J. M. (1998). Written emotional expression: Effect sizes, outcome types, and moderating variables. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 66(1), 174-184.
van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
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